The Path to Full Recovery and Joy
By Shari Schreiber,
wrote this because so many people who phoned me, wanted to know
how my methods were different from traditional sorts
of therapies they've tried. As my practice grew too busy to respond
to those queries, this piece was created to provide illumination.
want happiness, but have no sense of how to acquire it.
Integrated Recovery isn't for someone looking for a quick-fix.
It's for those of you who've tried just about everything else,
and are willing to explore some courageous work you may need to
get well, whole and genuinely happy. I'm not describing those
brief episodes that come with finding romance, or purchasing a
new car or house. I'm talking about an ongoing feeling inside
you, that's tranquil and joyful.
my view, all obstacles we face are due to poor self-worth. This
of course, influences how we relate to and take care of ourselves
within personal and professional relationships. If we regard self-worth
as the hub of your wagon wheel, any damage to it means
that all spokes which emanate from that point will be weak, and
susceptible to breaking under any type of strain or pressure.
not in the therapy business, and my work has
nothing whatsoever to do with your mind.
ourselves only with esteem building, and teaching
you to how to tolerate your emotions instead of overthinking or
analyzing them in your head. Total Wellness is our goal,
and incremental gains are what you can expect from weekly sessions
that are inclusive of interim care. Getting well requires your
determined, focused effort, but the rewards to you may well exceed
what you've ever thought was possible.
became an Ordained Minister, as it seemed a more congruent fit
for the type of assistance I offer. I sensed there might be quicker,
more effective ways to help people who couldn't find relief using
conventional therapies, and slipped through the cracks. I have
given my focus solely to inventing and developing unique,
groundbreaking methods which for some, can facilitate healing.
is not designed to be long-term care. It is a growth-oriented
modality that aims to resurrect self-worth and help you become
whole and happy within 18 months or less. Some clients may require
more time, but I work as rapidly as I can with every individual,
to bring about relief and expansion.
is very different from resolution, and if you're only resigned
about painful experiences you've had, those difficulties can keep
self-blame and shame alive, which further undermine self-worth
and negatively influence all life choices and decisions.
Recovery provides concrete tools specifically designed to dismantle
and eliminate the 'negative tape,' that plays 24/7 which constantly
asserts; "I'm a fuck-up, I'm not good enough or lovable."
You're relentlessly hard on yourself, which causes
you to choose lovers or friends who echo exactly how
you really feel about you!
gives me greater glee, than witnessing a client's total transformation.
It is truly a metamorphosis, like the caterpillar to butterfly
transition. If I could not help bring this about, I'd find a different
profession. I'm very selective about who I accept into my practice,
for some people actually resist getting well, and my time is too
precious a commodity to waste.
may not be a suitable candidate for this work, and I may not be
a solid fit for you or your personality, temperament and goals.
We'll try to assess this during our initial contact, for it'll
never be my desire nor intention to offer you anything you can't
or won't make good use of. Integrated Recovery functions
on numerous levels to bring about precisely what its
INTEGRATED RECOVERY ISN'T:
is not psychotherapy, which deals with matters
of the mind. My articles may speak to the core of your anguish,
and help you gain useful insights about it. My
actual work with you is not insight
based~ nor do I have any desire to intervene with you in that
manner. We simply eliminate poor self-worth, which can
spawn and perpetuate human pain.
work won't let you retain your comfortable love affair with survival.
It doesn't permit you to complain about Your Life month after
month (which is incredibly boring) without getting to
the core of that issue, and resolving
it. This is solution focused work that helps you learn how to
Thrive--not merely survive. Survival oriented individuals
who are addicted to chaos and drama are not suitable candidates
for the work we do here.
might presume that wealth will cure your woes, but it
won't. I've worked with multi-millionaires who have never felt
safe or secure. They've struggled with loneliness and emptiness
just as you have. When you've gotten all the boats, planes and
houses you can own, and they don't eradicate that painful vacuum
inside you, we have a sort of 'existential crisis' on our hands.
concerns pertaining to this issue are developmentally driven.
They're about our need to change or amend what we've been
doing for decades. As we evolve, we can't keep performing the
same tasks year after year, without outgrowing our ability to
be stimulated by them! It's like wearing an old suit that's now
a couple sizes too small. We've made substantial investments in
that wardrobe, but we had different values and priorities
in our twenties and thirties that don't fit with the needs of
our forties, fifties and sixties. When we aren't responsive
to these changes, our passion steadily wanes, and each day requires
great effort (or various
addictions) to help us maintain a sense of vitality or aliveness.
desire for aliveness can have us choosing high-intensity relationships
with partners who have personality disorder traits. The emotional
roller-coaster they keep us on triggers anguish and anxiety,
which distract us from our very own feelings of dissatisfaction,
emptiness or despair that have haunted us for many years, but
that we've harshly judged and tried to avoid or outrun
through any means possible.
somebody forces us to feel intense emotions whether
pleasurable or painful, it's actually grounding and enlivening
to us (dead people don't feel pain). This could be the reason
we've clung to tormenting, toxic relationships long past their
shelf life or our ability to access joy within them.
comes easy. Happiness takes daily, diligent work.
lack of love, abundance and prosperity are just symptoms
of poor self-worth. When our pre-existing foundation is rotted
and crumbling, no structures we try to build on it can remain
intact. The primary goal of Integrated Recovery work is to bring
about tangible and permanent foundational restructuring
is scary for most people, because it threatens long-held stagnancy
that's often mistaken for "safety." You've landed on
this text, because you've bought into some faulty, destructive
belief systems along your life's journey, which have kept you
'enrolled' in self-defeating patterns of behavior. These defective
patterns must be eliminated, so you can acquire real
happiness, and maintain it.
you've had to endure crisis and chaos on a regular basis, you
learn to mentally and emotionally prepare for it, which gives
you a sense of comfort. You now anticipate disaster and
mentally ready yourself for it, so you can feel safer. This practice
became habituated early in life to save you from surprise and
shock, and helped you avert feelings of devastation every time
the rug got pulled out from under you!
behavior helped you survive once upon a time, but it
works against you now. You're still waiting for the other shoe
to drop, and trying to envision the future, to hyper-control it.
You're not able to be present, and experience and embrace
your emotions, regardless of whether they're painful or
pleasurable. This mental fast-forwarding
reflex greatly undermines you, but your payoff is
Prophesy Fulfillment, which reinforces ancient, faulty thinking;
"I'm not worthy or deserving of receiving what I want
emotional pain when we we're little, means many of us imagined
that when we were grown, we would have riches, love, contentment
and gleefulness~ but that almost never happens. The letdown or
disappointment and shame we feel when our present reality doesn't
match our earliest fantasies keeps us striving for it,
but no matter how much we change our outer environment (or
body), Happiness remains elusive, because it's literally an
you're looking for someone to take your money, and be your sounding
board week to week, you'll need to look elsewhere. Integrated
Recovery is not designed to perform
this function for you! IR's central commitment is to help you
acquire wellness. This is our only
goal~ and building authentic esteem eliminates every obstacle
that stands in your way of it.
INTEGRATED RECOVERY IS:
a holistic or 'whole organism' approach to reducing emotional
pain, which encompasses your body and spirit and to a very minor
extent, your intellect~ because if we're not responsive to all
three parts of you, we're neglecting two-thirds of your pie. This
methodology embraces the principle that you're not just a brain
hooked up to a life-support unit. This is not mind work, it's
body-centered feeling work.
Recovery is antithetical to psychotherapy. This work requires
that you learn how to experience emotions in your body
rather than analyzing, overthinking and/or attaching meaning
or reasons to them in your head. That practice is not allowed
might consider IR work to be like acupuncture, as compared to
western medicine. Western medicine treats the symptoms
of your disease or discomfort to help you feel better~ whereas
Chinese medicine targets the cause of your distress
to eradicate it from the body. In a sense, IR's function is to
unblock and heal emotional Qi or 'Chi.'
work goes far beyond mitigating your dissatisfaction or pain.
It's about helping you thrive, rather
than just survive or feel "okay" about your life. If
there isn't enough 'juice' in your daily existence, you might
be sleepwalking, and perhaps we should talk. This is likely contributing
to addictive/compulsive behaviors and poor relationship choices
which have brought you confusion, chaos and pain.
troubled that too many female and male therapists try to feminize
men, and neglect to honor/respect the quintessential differences
between females and males. They seem to disregard the masculine
archetype, while urging men toward greater 'sensitivity.'
To my mind, this clinical subjectivity is a dangerous
misuse of power by clinicians who fear the
primal aspects in men, and it can be castrating. No healthy
heterosexual gal wants a passive guy! Male clients are helped
to grow from scared little boys into genuinely confident Men here~
encourages emotional dependency, but only in the beginning stages,
until you can become fully self-reliant. Its primary aim is to
assist you with growing a healthy, emotionally independent, rock-solid
sense of Self.
order for us to accomplish this growth, you'll be given a few
'power-tools' which help you construct a self-worth foundation
brick by brick, so you can finally climb out of the self-defeating,
deeply-dug trenches that are keeping you disabled.
will deconstruct the negative tape that's been playing 24-7 for
most of your life; "I'm not lovable or good enough,"
for recovery is impossible, if you can't or won't learn,
integrate and use tools I give you, that help usher you into authentic
learn how to confront anyone at anytime about anything, and acquire
verbal tools and communication skills which will give you newfound
confidence in social and professional arenas.
be using strategies that help you build a strong and sturdy personal
foundation, so that self-sabotaging behaviors and faulty beliefs
can be dismantled and eliminated.
Recovery is a collaborative effort; you can't
get there without my vigilant help, and I can't assist you, without
your strong desire and willingness to utilize the guidance and
tools I provide, that bring about full recovery, self-actualization
do not heal you! I light and guide your path, give you
powerful self-restructuring tools, and teach you how to
heal Yourself. This ultra-unconventional approach
helps you build self-respect, healthy entitlement and genuine
you choose not to follow my methods, you'll remain just as you are.
Recovery is very intricate, experiential, complex and highly individualized
to respond to the unique needs of every client, but the key principles
of this method are described below:
- You'll learn how to quit avoiding or distracting from your emotions
and your Self, because you are your feelings,
and they are you. Running from painful ones, only keeps you unwell.
work is Feeling work. You are taught how to experience, accept,
tolerate and endure difficult emotions without fear of
annihilation, repercussions, doubt or self-ridicule. This power
tool is essential, if you've ever wrestled with addictions.
here, you've been thinking your way through life, as
opposed to feeling your way along. As
a result, you don't trust your instincts or intuitions, which
are there to serve and protect you! These extra-sensory aspects
are literally your built-in survival guide, but they can't function
when other feelings (like depression or anger) are banished from
you can't trust others, you haven't learned to rely on your innate
instincts to guide your decisions, and you
do not trust yourself. If this
isn't fixed, you'll keep shooting in the dark hoping to hit the
bull's eye, and second-guessing right choices~ especially when
they prompt less than comfortable feelings.
solely on what you're feeling, not how
you're feeling. This non-traditional method helps you connect
with facets of your Self, so you can access life-force
within you! In my view, it's the most important gain you will
your feelings are welcome here. You'll never
be made 'wrong' for them, and I look forward to when you can express
your anger, even at me! You've likely had to censor yourself your
entire life--but we pull out all the stops here.
love working with angry people! Their feelings are closer
to the surface, so they tend to progress faster. In essence, you'll
get to experience being fully You, without getting punished, guilted
or abandoned. Conceptualize that if you will!
- You'll receive full acceptance, plus guidance and support to
help you become the person you've always wanted to be.
Recovery has to make up for and correct deficits that undermined
you in the first place. It is this reparenting process,
which helps you acquire healthier, more nourishing/productive
ways of talking to and treating yourself. I offer you a brand
new template for what a trusted, mentoring relationship
is supposed to feel like. This directly influences your
friendship and romantic selections, and fortifies all interpersonal
capacity for delayed gratification accompanies adult
development. When emotional growth is stunted due to anguish when
we're young, instant gratification always reigns and
brings us pain, for the 'juvenile' self can't make responsible
decisions! It does not consider the ramifications from its choices--it
just needs what it wants in the moment, without
any thought to potentially harmful repercussions.
may not prevent you from making unsound life choices. They might
view your setbacks as "grist for the mill," so you'll
remain with them longer. This practice
does not exist in IR. If you were capable
of making healthy decisions, you would not be needing direction
isn't about controlling you. It's about helping you anticipate
the consequences of your choices and discerning how they'll impact
you. IR work is intended to teach you solid, adult reasoning
that guards your well-being.
personality disorder traits is not a function
of the mind, and no amount of reading or insight can get you there.
Recovery is actually a Heart issue~ and together, we are mending
long-standing, painful injuries to your sense of worth. Nothing
else is this vital or important.
growth is cumulative, but it's seldom linear.
Recovery often feels counterintuitive, as this is an innovative,
fresh approach that you've never been exposed to before. There's
a natural learning curve that comes with trying anything
new, so you might backslide a bit, and that's to be expected.
You're in this work to learn and grow~ not to perform perfectly.
you've done years of psychotherapy, you might anticipate that
form of interplay when you begin working with me, and it could
be difficult for you to transition out of that well worn style
of treatment. If I sense you can't/won't make the crucial transition
from that method to this one, I will urge you to seek
help from a different type of practitioner~ in short, we will
be acquiring healthy limits and boundaries here, because if you
already had them, you definitely would not be needing
my help. I may seem a bit stern occasionally,
but it's solely to halt your self-sabotage, and help
you get back on track. My mission is to get you stronger, as swiftly
- You'll solve the mystery; "who am I--and why am I here
Recovery assists you with gaining a solid emotional education.
My written materials can help you get acquainted with
your Self. You might begin to comprehend why you've acted
in the ways you have, and how it is your relationships have mostly
floundered and failed. Our sessions however, deal exclusively
with self-worth repair, and help you achieve it, once and for
IR is a lot like having your kitchen remodeled; it typically seems
worse, before it gets better. Remember that old saying, it's always
darkest before the dawn? You can either feel a little pain now--or
a lot more, the rest of your life.
work is about helping you become empowered. We help you
learn to help yourself. (Give a man a fish, and he eats for
a day. Teach him to fish, and he eats for a lifetime.)
- You will start noticing an absence of pain~ and
you'll have to adjust to it. It won't be easy at first, believe
it or not.
client who is committed to Healing
reaches a fork in this road, which feels uncomfortable for a little
while. Many of us had to adapt to pain from
the time we were very small, and anguish became our constant companion.
When we stop feeling some level of pain on a daily basis, it's
a whole new set of sensations. This is when our pesky urge to
self-sabotage is greatest, because it enables us to return to
the more familiar and comfortable painful feelings we've
known our entire life. This part of recovery can be challenging,
because we're navigating terrain that's feeling foreign, and it
takes some getting used to. Fear not~ we'll be crossing this bridge
together, and I'll be holding your hand to make it feel a bit
begin feeling a sense of contentment and peace. You've begun experiencing
your feelings, rather than hyper-analyzing them or acting
them out. Being 'alone' doesn't still trigger dread and fear,
because your relationship with You is growing more solid, rewarding
and nourishing on many levels.
no longer on the outside of you, observing yourself.
You've begun taking your emotional temperature,
instead of everyone else's! Trying to make sure everyone likes
you (people pleasing), isn't your sole priority anymore. A newfound
sense of respecting and liking yourself, is.
won't keep starving and striving for acceptance and approval from
others. You'll have gained the desire and capacity to give it
to yourself--and you'll own
is incrementally acquired. Much quicker would feel too
destabilizing, but 'FREE'
is my acronym for what you will be experiencing, along your way
to it. You've navigated various crises, but you may have had to
return for more psychotherapy. Integrated Recovery wants to alter
this cycle. We help you make concrete, lasting, irrevocable modifications
to your pre-existing paradigm. This
work offers nothing short of life-altering inner change.
will evolve into a sentient, self-actualized person, capable of
giving and receiving love and abundance.
You'll be viewing relationships sort of like the frosting on a
well baked cake that's totally scrumptious when eaten alone--but
a tad sweeter with some topping.
won't desperately need to be loved. You'll already
know you're lovable, and you will automatically
be making healthier, more gratifying friendship and romantic choices,
that reflect an unshakable, authentic sense of self-worth~
it to say, this is a process. The principles
of Integrated Recovery are simple, but the work is tough--only
because it reorganizes and reconfigures what you've always thought
was necessary (like avoiding feelings), to save your own life.
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