OWNING
HAPPINESS
Through Integrated Recovery Work
By Shari Schreiber,
M.A.
www.GettinBetter.com
Many
want happiness, but don't know how to achieve it. Integrated
Recovery isn't for someone looking for a quick-fix. It's for those
of you who have tried just about everything else, and are willing
to take-on the courageous work it takes to get well, whole and genuinely
happy. I'm not describing those brief episodes that come with finding
romance, or purchasing a new car or house. I'm talking about an
ongoing feeling inside you, that's tranquil and joyful.
This
is not designed to be long-term care. It's a healing
and growth-oriented modality that aims to help you on your way within
weeks/months. My clients who struggle with personality disorder
features may need more time, but I'm always working as rapidly as
I can, to bring about relief and expansion.
You
may not be a suitable candidate for this work, and I may not be
a solid fit for you, your personality, temperament and goals. We'll
try to assess this during our initial contact--for it'll never be
my desire or intention to offer you anything you can't or won't
make good use of. Integrated Recovery functions on numerous levels
to bring about precisely what its name suggests.
What
Integrated Recovery isn't:
It is not psychotherapy, which deals only with the mind.
Can an insight model actually help you heal? Would you be in treatment
for years or decades without enjoying tangible change, if it could?
This isn't to imply that standard therapy doesn't have value.
Perhaps you've used it for challenging life events which required
guidance to help you reach the other side of, and it was extremely
useful in that regard. A lot of roads lead to Mecca. Arriving there,
is about determining which one can best meet your needs,
and get you there as quickly and efficiently as possible.
Recovery
work won't let you retain your comfortable love affair with survival.
It doesn't permit you to complain about Your Life month after month
(which is incredibly boring) without getting to the core
of that issue, and resolving it. It's solution focused, and helps
you learn to Thrive--not merely survive.
You
might presume that wealth will cure your woes, but it won't.
I've worked with multi-millionaires who have never felt safe or
secure. They've struggled with loneliness and emptiness just as
you have. When you've gotten all the boats, planes and houses you
can own, and they don't eradicate that painful vacuum inside you,
we have an existential crisis on our hands.
Mid-life
concerns pertaining to this issue are developmentally driven. They're
about our need to change or amend what we've been doing
for decades. As we evolve, we can't keep performing the same tasks
year after year, without outgrowing our ability to be stimulated
by them! It's like wearing an old suit that's now a couple sizes
too small. We've made substantial investments in that wardrobe,
but we had different values and priorities in our twenties and thirties
that don't fit with the needs of our forties, fifties and sixties.
When we aren't responsive to these changes, passion wanes
and each day requires effort (or various addictions) to keep feeling
a sense of aliveness.
Misery
comes easy. Happiness takes daily, diligent work.
Change
is scary for most people. You've landed on this text, because you've
bought into some erroneous, destructive belief systems during childhood
and along your life path, which have kept you trapped in self-defeating
patterns. These must be altered, for you to access vibrancy
and good health.
All
emotional dysfunction is the result of core
trauma. This wounding shapes how we feel about, and take care
of ourselves in personal and professional relationships. If the
center or hub of your wheel is damaged, all the spokes
which emanate from that point will be weak, and susceptible to breaking.
When
you've had to endure crisis and chaos on a regular basis as a kid,
you learn to mentally and emotionally prepare for it, which gives
you a sense of comfort. You now anticipate disaster and
psychically ready yourself for it, so you can feel safer. This practice
became habituated in childhood to save you from surprise and shock,
and helped you avert feelings of devastation when the rug got pulled
out from under you! That defense helped you survive as
a child, but it works against you as an adult. You're still waiting
for the other shoe to drop, and trying to envision the future to
hyper-control it. You're not able to be present, and experience/embrace
your emotions, whether they're painful or pleasurable. This
fast-forwarding reflex
undermines you, and your only payoff is Prophesy Fulfillment,
which reinforces faulty thinking; "I'm not deserving or
worthy of receiving what I want and need."
Escaping
psychic/emotional pain as children meant many of us imagined that
when we were grown, we'd have love, contentment, gleefulness and
riches~ but that seldom happens. The letdown and shame we feel when
our present reality doesn't match our childhood fantasy keeps us
striving for it, but no matter how much we change our environment
(or body), Happiness
remains elusive, because it's truly an 'inside job.'
If
you're looking for someone to take your money, and just be your
sounding board week to week, you need to look elsewhere. Integrated
Recovery is not designed to perform this
function for you. IR's central commitment is to help you acquire
wellness. To my mind, anything less seems
unscrupulous.
What
Integrated Recovery is: It's a holistic approach
to ending pain, which encompasses your mind, body and spirit--because
if we don't respond to all three parts of You, we're neglecting
two-thirds of that pie. This methodology embraces the principle
that you're not just a brain attached to a life-support
system. It works to achieve healing on many levels, because if the
mind and spirit maintain disharmony, it's not long before
the body reflects it. Consider the health concerns that stress
induces, and you have a concrete example of this mind, body, spirit
phenomenon.
Integrated
Recovery transcends psychotherapy. You might consider IR to be like
acupuncture, as compared to western medicine. Western medicine treats
the symptoms of your distress, whereas IR targets the central
cause of your problem to eliminate it. In a sense,
we're unblocking/healing emotional 'Chi.'
I'm
troubled that too many female and male therapists try to
feminize men, and don't honor/respect the quintessential differences
between females and males. They appear to disregard
the masculine archetype, while urging men toward greater sensitivity.
This clinical subjectivity is a dangerous misuse of power
by clinicians who fear the primal aspects in men,
and it's castrating. No healthy heterosexual gal desires
a passive guy! Males are helped to grow into Men here--not women.
This
work goes beyond mitigating your anguish or dissatisfaction. It's
about helping you thrive, rather than
just survive or feel "okay" about your life. If there
isn't enough 'juice' in your daily existence, you might be sleepwalking,
and maybe we should talk. This is likely contributing to addictive/compulsive
behaviors and relationship choices which have brought you chaos
and pain.
IR
encourages emotional dependency, but only in the beginning phases
until you become authentically self-reliant/whole. Its primary aim
is to assist you with growing a healthy, emotionally independent,
rock-solid sense of Self.
In
order for us to accomplish this growth, you'll be given a few 'power-tools'
which will help you develop brand new neuro-pathways, so you can
climb out of the self-defeating, deeply-dug trenches that have kept
you disabled.
IR
is a collaborative effort; you can't get there
without my help, and I can't assist you, without your strong desire
and willingness to utilize the guidance and tools I provide, that
bring about full recovery, self-actualization and joy. I don't heal
you. I light your path, and guide you toward healing yourself. In
this way, you will build self-respect, healthy entitlement and self-esteem.
If
you choose not to follow my methods, you'll remain just as you are.
Integrated
Recovery is intricate/complex and highly individualized to respond
to the unique needs of every client, but the key principles of this
method are described below:
Feeling
- You'll learn how to quit running from your emotions/yourself.
Healing
work is Feeling work. You are taught how to experience, accept and
tolerate difficult emotions without fear of annihilation, repercussions,
doubt or self-ridicule. This tool is essential, if you've
wrestled with addictions.
Given
you're
here, you've been thinking your way through life, as opposed
to feeling your way along. You've suppressed
difficult emotions since you were very young. As a result, you don't
trust your instincts or intuitions, which are there to serve and
protect you! These extra-sensory aspects are your built-in survival
guide, but they can't function when other feelings (like
anger) have been banished from your personality.
If
you can't trust others, you haven't learned to rely on your innate
instincts to guide your decisions, and you
do not trust yourself. If this
isn't fixed, you'll keep shooting in the dark (hoping to hit the
bull's eye), and second-guessing right choices--especially when
they prompt uncomfortable feelings.
Recovery
methods focus
far more on what you're feeling, than on how you're
feeling. This is necessary, to help you connect with Yourself, and
access life-force within you. It's the most important gain
you will ever achieve.
All
your feelings are welcome here. You'll never be
made 'wrong' for them, and I look forward to when you can express
your anger (even at me)! You've likely had to censor yourself your
entire life--but we pull out the stops here.
I
love working with angry people. Their feelings are closer
to the surface, so they tend to progress faster. In essence, you'll
get to experience being fully You, without getting punished, guilted
or abandoned. (Conceptualize that!)
Reparenting
- You'll receive full acceptance, plus guidance and support.
Integrated
Recovery has to make up for and correct deficits in childhood that
undermined you in the first place. It's this reparenting
process, which helps you acquire healthier, more nourishing/productive
methods of relating to and treating yourself. Think of this as a
corrective emotional experience, wherein you begin to accept and
integrate a brand new template for what a trusted,
mentoring relationship is supposed to feel like. This directly
influences your romantic selections, and fortifies all interpersonal
dynamics.
The
capacity for delayed gratification accompanies adult development.
When emotional growth is stunted in childhood due to parental neglect
and abuse, instant gratification always reigns and brings
you pain, for the 'juvenile' self can't make responsible decisions!
It does not consider the ramifications from its choices--it just
wants what it wants in the moment, without any thought to potentially
harmful repercussions.
Psychotherapists
don't discourage you from making unhealthy choices. They consider
your setbacks to be "grist for the mill," so you'll inevitably
stay with them far longer. This practice does not exist in IR. If
you were capable of right choices, you wouldn't be needing
direction and guidance! This is where your parents failed you,
and we're here to correct that.
Reparenting
isn't about controlling you. It's about helping you anticipate
the consequences of your choices and discerning how these may impact
you. It's intended to teach you sound, adult reasoning
that guards your well-being.
Healing
core trauma (at the root of personality disorders) is not a function
of the mind, and no amount of reading or insight can get you there.
Recovery is a matter for the Heart. Together, we are mending long-standing
breakage.
Emotional
growth is cumulative, but it's not always linear.
Integrated
Recovery may feel counterintuitive, as this is an innovative, fresh
approach, you've never been exposed to before. There's a learning
curve that comes with trying anything new, so you may backslide
a bit, and that's to be expected. You're not here to perform perfectly
(that's your childhood drama).
You'll
be learning healthy limits and boundaries here, because if you already
had 'em, you definitely wouldn't be needing my
help. I may seem a bit stern occasionally, but it's solely to halt
your self-sabotage, and help you get back on track. My
mission is to get you stronger, as swiftly as possible.
Educating
- You'll solve the mystery; "who am I--and why am I here
now?!"
Integrated
Recovery assists you with gaining a solid emotional education,
so you can begin to understand your Self, and others. It helps you
comprehend why you've acted in the ways you have, and how
your romances have mostly floundered and failed. It goes directly
to the core of these issues, and helps you dismantle
them, once and for all. This is Big Picture intervention/repair.
Denial
has shielded you from uncomfortable truths, and kept you trapped
in non-productive patterns of thought and behavior throughout your
lifetime. If we don't uncover what's inhibited your growth, you'll
remain stuck. IR is kind of like having your kitchen remodeled;
it usually seems worse, before it gets better. Remember that old
saying, it's always darkest before the dawn? You can either feel
a little pain now--or a lot more, later on in life.
You're
allowed to peer behind the curtain of your own psyche in this process.
I'll explain why I'm working with you as I am, and keep
no secrets from you. You'll come to understand yourself as fully
as I do over time, because this work is about helping you become
empowered. Keeping you in the dark only serves the Ego
who's treating you. It doesn't help You learn to help yourself.
(Give a man a fish, and he eats for a day. Teach him to fish,
and he eats for a lifetime.)
Evolving
- You will start noticing an absence of pain (and you'll
adjust to it).
Every
client who is committed to Healing
reaches a fork in this road, which feels uncomfortable for a little
while. People with core trauma had to adapt to pain
from the time they were very small. Anguish became their constant
companion. When they stop feeling some level of pain on a daily
basis, it's a whole new set of sensations. This is when their urge
to self-sabotage is greatest, because it enables them to return
to the more familiar/comfortable painful feelings they've known
their entire life. This part of recovery is some-what challenging,
because we're navigating terrain that's feeling foreign, and it
takes some getting used to. It's okay, we'll cross this bridge together.
You'll
begin feeling a sense of contentment and peace. You've begun talking
about your feelings, instead of acting
them out. Being 'alone' doesn't trigger dread and fear, as this
relationship with Yourself grows more nourishing and fulfilling/rewarding
on many levels.
You're
no longer on the outside, observing yourself. You've been
taking your emotional temperature, instead of everyone
else's! Making certain everybody likes you, isn't your
top priority anymore. Respecting and liking yourself, is.
You
won't keep starving for acceptance and approval from others. You'll
have gained the will and capacity to give it to yourself--and
you'll own it.
Happiness
is incrementally acquired. Quicker would be too destabilizing,
but 'FREE' is my acronym
for what you'll be feeling, along your way to it. You've navigated
various crises, but they've predictably had you returning
for more therapy. Integrated Recovery eliminates that cycle, because
you'll be making a lasting, irrevocable paradigm shift. This
is life-altering inner change.
You
will evolve into a sentient, self-actualized person, capable of
giving and receiving love and abundance.
You'll be viewing relationships like frosting on a well baked cake
that's scrumptious when eaten alone--but a tad sweeter with some
topping.
You
won't desperately need to be loved. You'll already
know you're lovable, and you'll be making
healthier, more gratifying romantic choices, that reflect an unshakable
and genuine sense of self-worth.
Suffice
it to say, this is a process. The principles
of Integrated Recovery are simple, but the work is tough--only because
it reorganizes/reconfigures what you've always thought
was necessary, to save your own life.
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