The Path to Full Recovery and Joy
By Shari Schreiber,
landed on this Internet site because something in your life has
gone horribly wrong, or you've struggled throughout much of your
existence, and it seems there's no end in sight.
wrote this because so many people who phoned me, wanted to know
how my recovery methods were different from other sorts
of therapies they've tried. As my practice grew too busy to respond
to those queries, this article was created to provide illumination.
want happiness, but don't know how to acquire it. Integrated
Recovery isn't for someone looking for a quick-fix. It's for those
of you who have tried just about everything else, and are willing
to take-on the courageous work that's required to get well, whole
and genuinely happy. I'm not describing those brief episodes that
come with finding romance, or purchasing a new car or house. I'm
talking about an ongoing feeling inside you, that's tranquil
my view, all
emotional dysfunction is brought about by core
trauma. This early wounding shapes how we feel about, and take
care of ourselves within personal and professional relationships.
If the center or hub of your wheel is damaged, all the
spokes which emanate from that point will be weak, and susceptible
to breaking under any type of strain or pressure.
me be succinct; I am not in the therapy business~ I'm
in the Healing business, which means we must repair and rebuild
your core (or hub). Total Wellness is our goal, and transformational
change is what you should expect from our work. This will require
your determined, focused effort, but the rewards to you can be
well beyond anything you've ever thought possible.
is not designed to be long-term care. It's a growth-oriented,
healing modality that aims to help you on your way within 12 months
or less. My clients with personality disorder features may need
more time, but I work as rapidly as I can with every individual,
to bring about relief and expansion.
go straight to the heart of your troubles here. Resignation
is very different from resolution, and if you're only resigned
about childhood disappointment or pain, those issues are keeping
core shame alive, which undermines self-worth and taints all your
life choices and decisions.
Recovery provides concrete tools specifically designed to dismantle
and eliminate the 'negative tape,' that plays in the back of your
psyche which constantly asserts; "I'm not lovable or good
enough." This tape forces you to be hard on yourself, and
keeps you selecting lovers who echo exactly how you really
feel about you!
gives me greater glee, than seeing a client transform. If I could
not help bring this about, I'd find a different profession. I'm
very selective about who I accept into my practice, for some people
actually resist getting well, and my time is too precious a commodity
may not be a suitable candidate for this work, and I may not be
a solid fit for you, your personality, temperament and goals.
We'll try to assess this during our initial contact, for it'll
never be my desire nor intention to offer you anything you can't
or won't make good use of. Integrated Recovery functions
on numerous levels to bring about precisely what its
Integrated Recovery isn't:
It is not psychotherapy, which deals
only with the mind. Can insight alone, actually help you heal?
Would you be in treatment for years or even decades without enjoying
tangible change, if it could? This is not to imply that standard
therapy has no value. Perhaps you've used it for challenging
life events which required guidance to help you reach the other
side of, and it was very useful in that regard. A lot of roads
lead to Mecca. Arriving there, is about determining which one
can best meet your needs, and take you there as quickly
and effectively as possible.
work won't let you retain your comfortable love affair with survival.
It doesn't permit you to complain about Your Life month after month
(which is incredibly boring) without getting to the core
of that issue, and resolving it. It's solution focused, and helps
you learn to Thrive--not merely survive.
might presume that wealth will cure your woes, but it
won't. I've worked with multi-millionaires who have never felt
safe or secure. They've struggled with loneliness and emptiness
just as you have. When you've gotten all the boats, planes and
houses you can own, and they don't eradicate that painful vacuum
inside you, we have a sort of 'existential crisis' on our hands.
concerns pertaining to this issue are developmentally driven.
They're about our need to change or amend what we've been
doing for decades. As we evolve, we can't keep performing the
same tasks year after year, without outgrowing our ability to
be stimulated by them! It's like wearing an old suit that's now
a couple sizes too small. We've made substantial investments in
that wardrobe, but we had different values and priorities
in our twenties and thirties that don't fit with the needs of
our forties, fifties and sixties. When we aren't responsive
to these changes, our passion steadily wanes, and each day requires
great effort (or various
addictions) to help us maintain a sense of vitality or aliveness.
for aliveness can have us choosing high-intensity relationships
with partners who are personality disordered, as the emotional
roller-coaster they put us on triggers anguish and anxiety,
which effectively distract us from our very own feelings of dissatisfaction,
emptiness or despair that have haunted us since early in life.
Whatever/whoever forces us to experience intense emotions
whether pleasurable or painful, is enlivening to us~ which could
be the reason we've held onto tormenting, toxic relationships.
comes easy. Happiness takes daily, diligent work.
lack of love, abundance and prosperity is merely a symptom
of far deeper issues. When the foundation from our childhood is
rotted and crumbling, none of the structures we build on it can
remain intact. Integrated Recovery brings about tangible and permanent
foundational restructuring and change.
is frightening for most people, because it threatens long-held
stagnancy that's often mistaken for "safety." You've
landed on this text, because you've bought into some
faulty, destructive belief systems during childhood and along
your adult path, which have kept you 'enrolled' in self-defeating
patterns of behavior. These defective patterns must be
eliminated, so you can acquire real happiness, and maintain it.
you've had to endure crisis and chaos on a regular basis as a
kid, you learn to mentally and emotionally prepare for it, which
gives you a sense of comfort. You now anticipate disaster
and psychically ready yourself for it, so you can feel safer.
This practice became habituated during childhood to save you from
surprise and shock, and helped you avert feelings of devastation
every time the rug got pulled out from under you!
defense helped you survive as a child, but it works against
you as an adult. You're still waiting for the other shoe to drop,
and trying to envision the future, to hyper-control it. You're
not able to be present, and experience and embrace
your emotions, regardless of whether they're painful or
pleasurable. This mental fast-forwarding
reflex greatly undermines you, but your payoff is
Prophesy Fulfillment, which reinforces ancient faulty thinking;
"I'm not worthy or deserving of receiving what I want
psychic/emotional pain as children meant many of us imagined that
when we were grown, we would have love, contentment, gleefulness
and riches~ but that seldom happens. The letdown and shame we
feel when our present reality doesn't match our childhood fantasy
keeps us striving for it, but no matter how much we change
our outer environment (or
body), Happiness remains elusive, because it's truly an 'inside
you're looking for someone to take your money, and just be your
sounding board week to week, you need to look elsewhere. Integrated
Recovery is not designed to perform this
function for you! IR's central commitment is to help you acquire
wellness. To my mind, anything less seems
Integrated Recovery is: It's a holistic approach
to ending emotional pain, which encompasses your body and spirit,
and to a very minor extent, your intellect~ because if we're not
responsive to all three parts of you, we're neglecting two-thirds
of the pie. This methodology embraces the principle that you're
not just a brain attached to a life-support unit.
It works to achieve healing on numerous levels, because if facets
of you maintain disharmony, it's not long before your physical
body reflects it! Consider the health concerns that stress
induces, and you have a concrete example of this phenomenon.
Recovery is antithetical to psychotherapy. This work requires
that you learn how to experience emotions in your body rather
than analyzing and attaching meaning or reasons to them
in your head~ which is not allowed here.
might consider IR work to be like acupuncture, as compared to
western medicine. Western medicine treats the symptoms
of your disease or discomfort to help you feel better~ whereas
Chinese medicine targets the cause of your distress
to eradicate it. In a sense, IR's function is to unblock and heal
emotional Qi or 'Chi.'
work goes far beyond mitigating your anguish or dissatisfaction.
It's about helping you thrive, rather
than just survive or feel "okay" about your life. If
there isn't enough 'juice' in your daily existence, you might
be sleepwalking, and maybe we should talk. This is likely contributing
to addictive/compulsive behaviors and poor relationship choices
which have brought you confusion, chaos and pain.
troubled that too many female and male therapists try to feminize
men, and neglect to honor/respect the quintessential differences
between females and males. They seem to disregard the masculine
archetype, while urging men toward greater 'sensitivity.'
To my mind, this clinical subjectivity is a dangerous
misuse of power by clinicians who fear the
primal aspects in men, and it can be castrating. No healthy
heterosexual gal wants a passive guy! Male clients are helped
to grow from scared little boys into genuinely confident Men here~
encourages emotional dependency, but only in the beginning stages,
until you can become fully self-reliant. It's primary aim is to
assist you with growing a healthy, emotionally independent, rock-solid
sense of Self.
order for us to accomplish this growth, you'll be given a few
'power-tools' which help you build self-worth, so you can finally
climb out of the self-defeating, deeply-dug trenches that are
keeping you disabled.
will be taught how to quit being "hard" on yourself,
and deconstruct the negative tape that's been playing 24-7 since
early childhood; "I'm not lovable or good enough," for
recovery is impossible if you can't or won't
accept and integrate this crucial transition into wellness.
learn how to confront anyone at anytime about anything, and acquire
verbal tools and communication skills which will give you newfound
confidence in social and professional arenas.
be using self-worth building exercises and strategies that help
you build a strong/sturdy personal foundation, so that self-sabotaging
behaviors and faulty beliefs can be dismantled and eliminated.
is a collaborative effort; you can't get there
without my help, and I can't assist you, without your strong desire
and willingness to utilize the guidance and tools I provide, that
bring about full recovery, self-actualization and joy.
do not heal you. I illuminate your path, give you powerful
self-restructuring tools, and teach you how to heal Yourself.
This unconventional approach helps you build self-respect, healthy
entitlement and genuine self-esteem. Your episodic reliance on
'psychotherapy' should be eliminated through the course of this
work, as well.
you choose not to follow my methods, you'll remain just as you are.
Recovery is intricate, complex and highly individualized to respond
to the unique needs of every client, but the key principles of
this method are described below:
- You'll learn how to quit avoiding or distracting from your emotions
and your Self.
work is Feeling work. You are taught how to experience, accept and
tolerate difficult emotions without fear of annihilation,
repercussions, doubt or self-ridicule. This tool is essential,
if you've ever wrestled with addictions.
here, you've been thinking your way through life, as
opposed to feeling your way along. You've
suppressed difficult emotions since you were very young. As a
result, you don't trust your instincts or intuitions, which are
there to serve and protect you! These extra-sensory aspects are
your built-in survival guide, but they can't function
when other feelings (like anger or sadness) have been banished
from your personality.
you can't trust others, you haven't learned to rely on your innate
instincts to guide your decisions, and you
do not trust yourself. If this
isn't fixed, you'll keep shooting in the dark hoping to hit the
bull's eye, and second-guessing right choices~ especially when
they prompt less than comfortable feelings.
far more on what you're feeling, than on how you're
feeling. This is necessary, to help you connect with aspects of
your Self, and access life-force within you! It's the
most important gain you will ever achieve.
your feelings are welcome here. You'll never
be made 'wrong' for them, and I look forward to when you can express
your anger, even at me! You've likely had to censor yourself your
entire life--but we pull out all the stops here.
love working with angry people! Their feelings are closer
to the surface, so they tend to progress faster. In essence, you'll
get to experience being fully You, without getting punished, guilted
or abandoned. (Conceptualize that!)
- You'll receive full acceptance, plus guidance and support to help
you become the person you've always wanted to be.
Recovery has to make up for and correct deficits in your lifetime,
that undermined you in the first place. It is this reparenting
process, which helps you acquire healthier, more nourishing/productive
ways of relating to and treating yourself. Think of this as a
corrective emotional experience, wherein you begin to accept and
integrate a brand new template for what a trusted,
mentoring relationship is supposed to feel like. This
directly influences your friendship or romantic selections, and
fortifies all interpersonal dynamics.
capacity for delayed gratification accompanies adult
development. When emotional growth is stunted due to anguish when
we're young, instant gratification always reigns and
brings you pain, for the 'juvenile' self can't make responsible
decisions! It does not consider the ramifications from its choices--it
just needs what it wants in the moment, without
any thought to potentially harmful repercussions.
seldom prevent you from making unsound life choices. They may
view your setbacks as "grist for the mill," so you'll
remain with them longer. This practice
does not exist in IR. If you were capable
of making healthy decisions, you wouldn't need direction and guidance!
This is also where your parents likely failed you, and we're
here to correct that.
isn't about controlling you. It's about helping you anticipate
the consequences of your choices and discerning how these will impact
you. It's intended to teach you solid, adult reasoning
that guards your well-being.
core trauma (at the root of personality disorders) is not a function
of the mind, and no amount of reading or insight can get you there.
Recovery is actually a Heart issue~ and together, we are mending
long-standing, painful injuries to your sense of Self. Nothing else
is this vital or important.
growth is cumulative, but it's seldom linear.
Recovery often feels counterintuitive, as this is an innovative,
fresh approach that you've never been exposed to before. There's
a natural learning curve that comes with trying anything
new, so you might backslide a bit, and that's to be expected.
You're in this work to learn and grow~ not to perform perfectly
(perhaps that was your childhood drama).
be acquiring healthy limits and boundaries here, because if you
already had them, you definitely wouldn't be needing
my help. I may seem a bit stern occasionally,
but it's solely to halt your self-sabotage, and help
you get back on track. My mission is to get you stronger, as swiftly
- You'll solve the mystery; "who am I--and why am I here
Recovery assists you with gaining a solid emotional education,
so you can begin to understand your Self, and others. It helps
you comprehend why you've acted in the ways you have,
and how your romances have mostly floundered and failed. It goes
directly to the core of these issues, and helps
you dismantle them, once and for all. This is Big Picture intervention
and repair, that can literally catalyze cellular change and healing
in the body.
has shielded you from uncomfortable truths, and kept you trapped
in non-productive patterns of thought and behavior throughout your
lifetime. If we don't uncover what's inhibited your growth, you'll
remain stuck. IR is kind of like having your kitchen remodeled;
it usually seems worse, before it gets better. Remember that old
saying, it's always darkest before the dawn? You can either feel
a little pain now--or a lot more, the rest of your life.
always explain why I'm working with you as I am, and
keep no secrets from you. You'll come to understand yourself as
deeply as I do over time, because this work is about helping you
become empowered. Keeping you in the dark only serves
the Ego who's treating you. It doesn't help You learn to help
yourself. (Give a man a fish, and he eats for a day. Teach
him to fish, and he eats for a lifetime.)
- You will start noticing an absence of pain~ and
you'll have to adjust to it. It won't be easy at first, believe
it or not.
client who is committed to Healing
reaches a fork in this road, which feels uncomfortable for a little
while. People with core trauma had to adapt to pain
from the time they were very small, and anguish became their constant
companion. When they stop feeling some level of pain on a daily
basis, it's a whole new set of sensations. This is when their
pesky urge to self-sabotage is greatest, because it enables them
to return to the more familiar/comfortable painful feelings
they've known their entire life. This part of recovery is somewhat
challenging, because we're navigating terrain that's feeling foreign,
and it takes some getting used to. Fear not~ we'll be crossing
this bridge together, and I'll be holding your hand to make it
feel a bit less scary.
begin feeling a sense of contentment and peace. You've begun talking
about your feelings, rather than hyper-analyzing them or acting
them out. Being 'alone' doesn't still trigger dread and fear,
because your relationship with You is growing more fulfilling,
rewarding and nourishing on many levels.
no longer on the outside of you, observing yourself.
You've begun taking your emotional temperature,
instead of everyone else's! Trying to make certain everybody
likes you (people pleasing), isn't your #1 priority anymore.
A newfound sense of respecting and liking yourself, is.
won't keep starving and striving for acceptance and approval from
others. You'll have gained the desire and capacity to give it
to yourself--and you'll own
is incrementally acquired. Much quicker would feel too
destabilizing, but 'FREE'
is my acronym for what you will be experiencing, along your way
to it. You've navigated various crises, but they've predictably
had you returning for more psychotherapy.
Integrated Recovery eliminates that cycle, because you'll be making
concrete, lasting, irrevocable changes to your pre-existing paradigm.
This is nothing short of life-altering
will evolve into a sentient, self-actualized person, capable of
giving and receiving love and abundance.
You'll be viewing relationships sort of like the frosting on a
well baked cake that's totally scrumptious when eaten alone--but
a tad sweeter with some topping.
won't desperately need to be loved. You'll already
know you're lovable, and you will automatically
be making healthier, more gratifying friendship and romantic choices,
that reflect an unshakable, authentic sense of self-worth~
it to say, this is a process. The principles
of Integrated Recovery are simple, but the work is tough--only because
it reorganizes/reconfigures what you've always thought
was necessary, to save your own life.
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