BORDERLINE
WAIFS AND UNSUNG HEROES;
Rescuing The Woman Who Doesn't Want To Be Saved.
By Shari Schreiber,
M.A.
www.GettinBetter.com
Given
the hundreds of letters I get from men who desperately want to
"help" the Borderline after their troubling affair has
ended, I suppose this article's time has finally come. I understand
that you tirelessly tried to assist her, teach her and rescue
her during that relationship, and you're wrestling with letting
go of this fixation, weeks or months later. You may even be keeping
your perceptions about what really went on in your dynamic
under wraps, for fear of hurting her feelings--or risking that
she won't speak to you again. In essence, you're still walking
on eggshells, and putting her needs first.
Certain
aspects or common denominators are present in males who attach
to BPD Waifs. Generally, these are People
Pleaser types, who have rescuing or fixing compulsions, self-esteem
difficulties from childhood, intimacy issues, engulfment concerns,
poor self-image, dysthymia (chronic/long-standing mild to moderate
depression), etc. Foundational problems of this kind leave men
vulnerable to being seduced and manipulated by these women. You
may be extremely accomplished and successful--but the Borderline
will methodically learn what's underneath the props,
and use your most intimate secrets and self-doubts against you.
Men drawn to waifs are addicted
to helping others, and always need to be in the one-up position
in their relationships.
The
Borderline Waif seldom exhibits the harsh or volatile traits we've
come to associate with other BPD types. Waifs usually appear fragile,
needful and victimized by their relationships and life
circumstances. You'll feel compelled to save them from their difficulties--which
should set off your warning lights.
These
people might blame their struggles on elements outside
their control, like karmic retribution; "I must have
done something really awful in a past life, to deserve this!"
When relationships falter, they're the victim.
If Waifs engage therapeutic support, it's typically in the midst
of a severe crisis; given they're inherently resistant to change
and growth (which threatens their precarious sense of control)
their progress in therapy tends to be very slow, and there are
frequent setbacks and regressions.
Since
'helplessness' is the Waif's core emotional theme, options and
choices that are healthier/more productive, are generally avoided.
Perhaps your lover is continuously struggling with some sort of
drama or challenge, and you've repeatedly offered sound suggestions
and tried to help--but to no avail. As difficult as this is to
fathom, when you throw a life preserver to a Waif, she ignores/disregards
it (throws it back), or resents the gesture.
Don't
assume this borderline is always physically thin/slender. I've
observed plenty of these folks who are overweight or even rotund,
but display classic victim, martyr, helpless/hopeless personality
traits. Remember, BPD is often accompanied by eating disorders,
and compulsive overeating
is common--but may only show up later in life (take a look at
all the actresses/actors who've become grossly overweight as they've
aged). Vanity, plus stringent dieting, purging and other methods
of weight control kept these people svelte during their younger
years when professional opportunities were more plentiful, but
they've ultimately given-in to their addictions, and let themselves
go.
BORDERLINES
ARE MORE AT EASE WITH PAIN, THAN WITH PLEASURE.
If
all one has ever known is struggle and survival, this is what feels
familiar and "normal." The Waif has a very difficult time
surrendering this well-worn groove, because there's comfort in it--no
matter how dire her circumstances have become. It's as if she knows
how to survive the waves that threaten to drown her--but never swims
to shore, because safety and calm are radically foreign and frightening
concepts. In essence, anything that's unknown to the Borderline,
is an intimidating mystery that's better left alone.
The
Waif may be referenced or thought of, as "the quiet Borderline."
You get the feeling she can't fend for herself, and you'll try
to help--even after it's over between you! Your altruism might
be noble, if it weren't masking your pain, and feelings
of emotional impotency where she's concerned. What's unfortunate,
is your Ego is in serious need of mending in the aftermath of
this relationship, yet much of your attention is still
focused on how to make things better for her, help her avoid ruining
other men's lives--and needing to think you've made some kind
of difference in this woman's world. I have two words
for you: Stop it! Selflessness
isn't healthy--it's just a euphemism for codependency.
Even
if you've become "really close" with her family members
or friends, and you feel an irrepressible need to share with them
your newfound knowledge about Borderline Personality traits after
countless hours of internet research, you'll only intensify
her pain! The primary reason she's still in this position, is denial.
Denial is a survival reflex that helps us defend against
facing that which we're not ready to confront, and it's there to
protect us. Besides this, within the realm of personality disorders,
apples seldom fall far from trees--and I assure you, this news will
not be appreciated or utilized by them.
DAMSELS
IN DISTRESS AND YOUR HERO COMPLEX:
When
the Waif shared tales about former boyfriends or lovers who assaulted
her, you were outraged. These accounts inspired
your fierce need to protect her--while assuring yourself, it'll
be different with you; why not--you're
one of the "good guys!" During these storytellings,
you were made to feel heroic, exceptional and uniquely unlike
all the others. But no matter how convincing this woman is, you
must resist the temptation to believe what she tells you. While
it may be true that she was tormented or struck, you
may soon come to realize how those men might have gotten pushed
to the brink of violence. Borderlines have grown up with abuse
and/or neglect--tragically (again), it's what feels natural.
Waifs might finally leave their abusers, but they'll often hook
up with another, and another, and another--and nice guys
finish last.
The
Waif seduces you with her fragility. If your childhood
experiences turned you into a mediator, fixer or rescuer, this
woman or man
presents you with plenty of opportunities to feel powerful, in
charge and in-control. You thrive on these, for they (temporarily)
appease your need to be needed, which has formed the basis of
your self-worth--but have you ever felt valued and loved for simply
being, instead of doing?
A
Borderline waif is often hypochondriacal. Illness and ailments
are usually the direct result of years of unresolved emotional
trauma, which cannot help but manifest in the physical body. However,
they've also learned that most people respond with sympathy to
victims--whether their unfortunate plight is due to health or
financial setbacks. You'll feel guilty if you don't do whatever
you can to help this person, even if it's finding them lodgings,
a job, food for their kid or dog to eat, paying for their car
repairs, etc. What you don't get, is that the list never
ends. You're never off the hook for bailing them out of one drama
or another, and when they swear that 'this is the last time' they'll
still turn to you for help the next time there's a need. A
sucker is born every day--and the
brutal reality is, if you won't come to her rescue,
rest assured that the next guy she bumps into, will.
Borderlines are extremely resourceful, and there's always someone
around to pick up the pieces.
Your
Borderline might have been so insecure and needy, you felt reasonably
certain she would never leave you--but at times, secretly
hoped she would. Her physical disorders inspired your sympathy
and determination to protect her, but you often marveled at how
someone so young could be so sickly! For the most part,
your relationship moved along pretty smoothly, until you
tried to express any personal concerns or needs. The Waif can't
handle that; after all, it's clearly been your
job to take care of her. The minute
you had a need, she either made you wrong for it, shut-down/punished
you or left.
The
Waif deflects your efforts to guide her/him toward more
productive or effective solutions with "yah-buts"--or
keeps shifting the topic, which is exasperating. Borderlines are
wired differently than you! Accept it.
You
must begin to realize that you will never
save the Waif. The only time Waifs make progress with reference
to healing or growth, is within a unique, extended-term therapeutic
alliance that can help them recover from painful, buried core trauma.
If they are committed to achieving wholeness/wellness
during this process, they might improve. Some of these individuals
will be able to create productive lives and form balanced, healthy
attachments--and some will not. How do I know this? I've worked
with 'em.
THE ADDICTION AFFLICTION
CALLED CODEPENDENCY
Perhaps in contrast to other
borderline types, the Waif may be more likely to exhibit childlike
qualities that you could initially find endearing--but later on,
resent. As this relationship unfolds, you'll be noticing what seems
to be her limited common sense, her inability to comprehend adult
reason, her lack of impulse control and her non-reciprocation. Essentially,
you'll be the grown-up who's always rowing this boat, and she'll
be the carefree child passenger.
At some
point in this dynamic, you must ask yourself; "what's the
payoff, in my wanting to be involved with a child?"
Does it help me feel more confident or secure? Must I be involved
with somebody I need to control? Is it possible for me
to love an equal partner who can have my back, as I have hers?
Can I even be in a reciprocal relationship--and what
would that mean to me?
During this relationship
or after a break-up, your lover might state that you'd be "better
off" being with, or marrying another. This is pure martyrdom--and
as lucid or empathetic as it may sound, it has nothing whatsoever
to do with genuine concern for your well-being!
WHERE DO I END,
AND YOU BEGIN?
The primary emotions you
will feel in this relationship are frustration, shame and guilt.
Enmeshment by a Waif Mother means learning in
childhood, that her feelings always came before yours--so
happiness, or the lack of it hinges on her
moods. Being raised by a Waif means we feel guilty, just for feeling
good--unless those 'good' sensations are simultaneously
shared by Mother.
Continuous hyper-vigilance
is required to discern the Waif's emotional state, so we can determine
our own. When our Waif Lover is sad, so are we.
The only way to flee the heavy darkness of her despair and not
feel guilty about it, is to kick into high gear and fix
whatever has prompted her bad mood--so that we
can rebalance, and feel okay again. You were groomed
for this as a little kid, and it has influenced all your romantic
endeavors.
Enmeshment is the inability
to discern and separate one's own feelings and needs from another's.
A simple example would be, when a couple's trying to decide on which
restaurant or movie they want, and each is unable to assert his
or her preference, for fear of incurring the other's disappointment.
This usually prompts the vicious cycle; "well, I don't
know--what do you want to do?" These
people live with considerable ambivalence, inner emptiness and
deadness. Personal feelings and needs were discarded early
on, when the Waif Mother's need was to keep her
toddler from separating/individuating, which is when his codependency
and narcissism
were born. You'll continually feel sorry for your waif--and have
the compulsion to repair or rescue her, so you can feel
happier or at peace. You'll also be apologizing for disappointing
her, way more than you should. Feel your emotions, let
her experience hers--and stop this "sorry"
reflex now!
During
a relationship upset, your Waif is far more likely to cry or get
weepy, than rage at you. The 'waterworks' always make you feel guilty--so
you'll do and say almost anything to elevate her mood,
and make it better. But what do you do when she shuts down, takes
herself away, and won't speak with you for hours or days at a time?
The Waif's coldness and unresponsiveness can feel torturous--you
might even prefer that she'd yell at you, rather than shut you out!
When your Waif feels ready
to grant you reprieve from exile, she could try to initiate lengthy,
dramatic conversations about the recent rupture, and you'll spend
too many exhausting phone hours trying to get over this speed-bump!
You'll feel relief when you're finally back on solid
ground--until the next time this cycle
hits, and you're back in the soup.
THE DRAMA OF THE
'TOO GOOD' ADULT CHILD OF A BORDERLINE:
Children of Borderline Waifs
often enter helping/healing professions, as their early years
were spent trying to mitigate the mother's fears, worry, sadness,
hopelessness and emotional withdrawal. Psychotherapists, doctors,
nurses, rescue workers, etc., can acquire an intense need
to feel needed and make a difference, in a way that was never
possible to accomplish with their parent. The
Waif Mother enmeshes
her kids, by making them feel responsible for her mood, survival
and well-being.
Every child
who perceives upset/discord in his parent's facial expressions
or demeanor, thinks it's his fault--and experiences shame.
A youngster hasn't acquired the capacity for reasoning or analysis
of events, so his/her natural response to the most subtle signs
of the parent's frustration, discontent or sadness, is interpreted
as they are to blame for it! Children are
extremely sensitive to vibrational changes around them. When any
child notices their parent's distress, he/she will ask; "Mommy,
what's wrong?" A healthy/whole mother understands her child's
need for comfort and reassurance that it has nothing to do with
him, and replies with an explanation he can understand,
along with assurances that this sadness or anger will shortly
pass. But the Waif Mother handles this very differently,
and projects her core belief that "life's too hard,"
onto her child. From this, he forms an anxiety that asserts; "if
something should happen to you, what will become of me?"
and all later attachments are fraught with this concern.
An emotionally
underdeveloped mother is not connected to her own feelings or
needs. When a child needs affirmation that the mother's moods
have not been due to any behavior on his part--but she
replies "nothing's wrong," he experiences confusing
disparity between what he's sensed, and the response he is given.
This derails his ability to trust his instincts
and intuitions.
A
serious problem arises from this disparity between what a child
sees, and how his/her parent responds to that perception. He learns
to doubt/discard his vital senses (instinct, intuition, visual
perception, etc.), which leaves him shooting in the dark with
respect to all his adult interactions, be they personal or professional.
He's got no inner compass to guide his decisions, and
he's always second-guessing himself! This is the dangerous outcome
of having learned to think rather than feel
his way through life.
THE WAIF IS A MARTYR
WHO FUSES LOVE WITH GUILT TO CONTROL.
The man-child of a Waif
Mother is anxiously attached to females he dates, and consistently
chooses partners he thinks will never leave him--or that he won't
miss when they do. The needy/clingy Waif or
emotionally vapid Siren perfectly fits this profile--until she
deserts him for another. This is when his fragile ego takes a
nose-dive, and core abandonment shame is triggered. He may know
he doesn't really want her--but desperately needs to be wanted,
to ease the hideously painful guilt/lack of worth he feels from
her rejection.
This issue alone, can send
him into perilous
pain and longing for any woman who has pried the lid
off his Pandora's Box of self-esteem wounds. Thus, his misguided,
frantic pursuit to win her back, begins in ernest.
Males with long-standing
self-worth issues, frantically keep trying to bolster their bruised/battered
egos by reminding themselves of how good looking, well educated
or successful they are; "how can this girl leave me?"
is always their plaintive cry. But external conditions and attributes
don't matter, when you've felt inferior and empty inside
most of your life.
Borderlines are brilliant
at making you feel shameful and guilty, but the Waif is probably
the most masterful at playing the Blame Game. You'll
be bending over backwards to please her during the relationship,
because the guilt she'll dump on you if you don't,
isn't worth the sleepless nights you'll spend trying to get back
into her good graces, and beating
yourself up.
Long
after your romance has bitten the dust, you'll keep trying to
redeem yourself--after all, this relationship failed
because of You, right? Sure, that's what she's got you believing,
so you'll continue to be her indentured servant until one of you
expires! Aside from this junk tapping directly into your self-esteem
issues, it has critical ramifications for any future
attachments you may forge. That's right, The Waif's needs will
always have to come first--and the new
Mrs. So-and-So will have to content herself with being relegated
to the back seat. Don't be a fool. Get therapeutic help to recognize
all you did right in that relationship, before you screw
up the rest of your life.
DON'T JUDGE A BOOK
BY ITS COVER; READ BEYOND THE FIRST PAGE!
The Borderline Waif might
be a caregiver type with long-held codependency issues.
From the start of this relationship, your needs may have been very
well attended to, and her nature was generous and kind--in fact,
sometimes she gave far more than you felt comfortable receiving.
But as this love affair progressed, you were continuously made acutely
aware of how and when you let her down, disappointed her or hurt
her feelings. Naturally, this made you feel terrible about yourself,
'cause how could you possibly be so ungrateful? This may
tap into childhood guilt, that involved trying to please or save
your mom--but painfully coming to realize that you couldn't. Boyhood
shame can drive Herculean efforts to be a mind reader or
mommy for these women (who lacked solid bonding with their
mothers) but no man is capable of assuming these roles, or healing
the archaic issues that drive her demands.
The enmeshed Caregiver-Waif
often makes statements like; "I'm very proud of you,"
but this relates to parenting deficits within her childhood. Her
need to have heard these confirmations from her mother,
is being transferred onto you, via projection. This means, she's
actually needing what she's bestowing on you, while modeling
appropriate parental support: Vicarious satisfaction
is gained by the child who somehow manages to take better care of
his/her parent, than they've managed to receive. At the very heart
of codependency, is the capacity to derive pleasure from giving
what we desperately seek and need for ourselves! This unhealthy
reflex is usually acquired in infancy.
The
Borderline's mixed messages keep you confused and off-center.
It's not that they do this stuff deliberately, but their distorted
perceptions and labile moods make you feel like a horse, who's
constantly having his reins jerked right and left, to
where he's overwhelmed and paralyzed--or furious enough to buck
that rider off his back! You're damned when you react,
because the Borderline seizes this opportunity to sanction
her punishing and abandoning behaviors--and you're damned when
you don't, because you're forced to flee your disquieting ambivalence
about remaining or leaving, with alcohol/drug abuse, working longer
hours, overeating, etc., just to cope!
Think
that therapeutic professionals are immune to Borderlines? Think
again. Dialogues with personality disordered individuals leave us
all feeling like we need a shower to wash off the toxic
sludge their devaluations and guilt trips leave behind. The quicker
you terminate these conversations, the better.
THE
WAIF IS A WOLF IN SHEEPS CLOTHING, BUT NO LESS DIABOLICAL.
Your
compulsions to return for another drink from the Borderline's
toxic well despite how rejecting and injurious she is to you,
stems from your desperate need for reprieve from emotional exile.
You're wanting to escape the shame of having been banished from
her kingdom, because it hurts way too much--and drudges up abandonment
despair from your childhood. These sensations are so distressing,
you've learned to bury them with various
addictions and compensatory
behaviors--but the Borderline brings those old wounds right to
the surface.
Emotional
exile can be excruciating, because we're essentially in limbo
when someone withdraws, and we often blame ourselves for it. If
you grew up in a home where you experienced emotional cut-off from
Mom or Dad if/when you disappointed them, this pain is reactivated
when your Borderline shuts-down and takes him/herself away. You
might force their hand by doing something you think could catalyze
even more pain for yourself (like their ultimate/final rejection
of you), but that can feel more familiar--and therefore, better
than this limbo state of not knowing which
direction this thing will take.
Waifs can
be less overtly sexual or seductive than Siren Borderlines, which
makes them seem like 'good girls.' They may readily apologize
(sometimes, profusely) after your relationship tussles--which
makes them appear capable of empathy. This is far more
about abandonment concerns and enmeshment issues, than their actual
capacity to see your perspective, and it perpetuates
those come here/go away cycles in this dance. They'll tell you
how wonderful you are--but then the slightest oversight lands
you back on their shit list.
Men are usually incapable
of letting themselves even imagine that their waif could
cheat on them, or have an affair; "she's just not the type!"
Her good girl image may have been backed-up with stories or comments
that have led you to think of her in a sort of pristine fashion.
The Madonna Waif makes you wait a substantial amount
of time, before she's "ready" to get physical or sexual--which
reinforces your sense of her virtue. Borderlines will only
let you know what they're wanting or needing you to know. The fabrications
and lies start from the very beginning--which is why it seems like
you've noticed so many mixed signals and contradictions.
Waifs seem to be devoid
of darker emotions--or can be unwilling to express them. Again,
they're the good girls who may come across as passive,
meek and amenable to almost anything that's thrown at them. Unfortunately,
this means they'll act-out their feelings passive-aggressively,
rather than telling you about them. It also means that you're
the one who's stuck carrying the emotions for the two of you!
When one partner is passive, the other must be active. Anger is
usually expressed by the active partner--but punished
by the passive one, which often takes the form of withdrawal or
retreat.
Do not make
the mistake of thinking this woman is helpless. She isn't! Most
are extremely resilient and resourceful (survivors generally
are), but they're reliant/needy around You.
They might be highly proficient professionals, but the 'rescue
me' act surfaces when you're around. Did she seem a bit
troubled or tragic when you met? Did this later seem incongruent
with her job title or responsibilities? The Waif's duality lets
her be independent in her world, but incompetent or frail
in yours. How else, could you get to be her Hero?
UNDERSTANDING THIS
MATTER, AND HOW YOU'RE AFFECTED BY IT.
Waifs started building survival
skills throughout infancy and childhood. Very early on, they learned
that others responded to them, when they appeared hurt, fragile
and helpless. They usually couldn't get nurturing attention from
Mother, unless they were very sick or bleeding after a
fall. A child at risk for acquiring mood disorders and/or personality
disorders senses very early, that he/she cannot consistently depend
on someone for their care. Quite often, they'll misbehave to
get negative attention, which helps mitigate feelings of invisibility
and lack of worth or importance to the parent. Some children even
fantasize about meeting with a horrible accident--or even dying,
in order to gain some sense of the parent's tender concern, and
feel valued. Could this have also been
true for You?
While you're in this relationship
and afterward, this woman keeps projecting her own feelings
of inadequacy/shame onto you. She can't take ownership of her shortcomings,
or see the cracks in her own mirror; she's too fractured to withstand
any self-reflection that might reveal her flaws. You of course,
are a picture screen for her life-long complexes and frustrations--and
she makes sure you know it! You'll often feel like you're viewing
yourself in a Fun House mirror, for her perceptions of you are grossly
distorted. After this affair ends, she will not consider that she's
even partly at fault--and given her inherent lack of boundaries,
might contact your friends or family members to absolve herself
of any blame or shame for this outcome! Naturally, she's
the Victim, and the sad demise of this relationship is all on You.
Pretty cunning, huh?
Some men have reported a shocking/sharp
decline in their ex's appearance, after a long-term marriage
or affair ends. While this relationship managed to survive the Waif's
resentment and rebellion (as you'd expect from a petulant child),
it might have been the only thing that kept her
relatively stable and on-course. We could be tempted to speculate
that her newfound "freedom" prompted this psychic/emotional
instability, which lead to decompensation--but in truth, a panoply
of contributing factors (like alcohol/drug abuse) could have played
a role. The most apparent signs of deterioration are significant
weight loss, facial eruptions/breakouts, bruises, cuts or scrapes--and
other distress cues, such as poor grooming. In short, she literally
looks waif-like.
This metamorphosis can tug
at your heartstrings, and make it really tough to resist the temptation
to assist her in any/all ways that you can, but this is driven
by your inability to feel compassion for yourself--and
that's where our inner work needs to be done. You've spent so
much of your life becoming powerful and in-control, there's been
absolutely no room for vulnerability of any type. In essence,
while you've disconnected from more fragile aspects in yourself,
you're craving these in the Borderline--and this is partly
projection.
THE
BIGGER CLINICAL PICTURE, AND MULTIPLE DIAGNOSES:
Many of the Borderlines I've
seen had dual or mixed diagnoses, which made assisting them, especially
challenging. Any cyclical neurological issues such as Bipolar
Disorders and ADD/ADHD
exacerbated their mood instability, and frequently contributed to
setbacks and regressions. Acute declines generally responded to
temporary, slight adjustments to their meds, but unfortunately still
prompted intense/irrational abandonment fears, self-harming behaviors,
relationship conflicts and suicidal thoughts that erupted until
brain chemistry rebalanced.
Borderline
Personality Disorder houses a panoply of other diagnosable issues
that disrupt and demolish relationships. Borderlines are often misdiagnosed
with Bipolar Disorder,
because their temperament and moods may fluctuate wildly. Some individuals
should be dual-diagnosed, as mood and personality disorders frequently
coexist. In my opinion, BPD is the broad umbrella under which other
issues usually sit; Attachment Disorder, Narcissistic Personality
Disorder, Antisocial Personality Disorder, Histrionic Personality
Disorder, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Dependent Personality Disorder,
Avoidant Personality Disorder, Eating Disorders, etc. Even Anxiety
and Panic Disorders
can be part of the Borderline's symptomology. The hallmarks
of BPD include; desperate
attempts to gain attention, intense/irrational abandonment fears,
lack of empathy, lying, extreme jealousy, poor impulse control,
extramarital affairs, drug/alcohol abuse, hypersexuality, 'crazy-making'
interactions, low self-esteem, rebound relationships, passive-aggression,
cognitive distortion, suicidal ideation, self-harming behaviors,
splitting (love you/hate you), etc.
Some therapists are acquainted
with personality disorder concerns, but many are not. Surprisingly,
this topic is barely addressed during undergraduate or graduate
course work--yet narcissistic and borderline traits weigh heavily
on societies all over the globe, and play a prominent role in relational
conflicts.
I'm guessing that because
of this lack of education and/or experience, even a clinician
might fail to recognize The Waif, as she fits a different
paradigm than the more highly reputed, radical/volatile
features of other Borderlines. I can assure you first hand though,
The Waif instantly inspires your sympathy and
protection. Initially, you'll want to help her surmount every
stressor--but before you know it, you're confronted with issues
that are way beyond your layman's ability to control or manage.
This can provoke feelings of guilt and shame, so you keep struggling
to repair something that's irreparable. That's your job
as you've come to understand it--but it sets you up for an endless
cycle that triggers feelings of inadequacy, you've always
tried to escape.
*NEW*
BORDERLINE PERSONALITY RESOURCE CENTER
LATEST!
'TILL
DEATH DO US PART - BPD and The Marriage Crucible
For
women: learn about the
Borderline Male Waif, (in subsection, THE
BOY WHO CRIED WAIF).
If you've been drawn to this
piece, it's very likely you have rescuing or fixing compulsions.
I strongly suggest you read this
article, for understanding and insights about this shame-based
tendency. My writings are intended to be anecdotal and helpful.
They can assist you with gaining valuable information about yourself--while
offering a blueprint, for building healthier attachments. These
materials will not 'cure' you, but you might begin to see the wisdom
in doing some solid inner work, to help you heal and grow. Phone
sessions are available.