By Shari Schreiber,
cluttering up my BPD forums with bitchings from Borderlines, I've
decided to 'quarantine' their virulent rants here, instead. Everyone
should have a right to express their views, and while I'm not gonna
publish all the hate mail that comes my way (and there's
not that much), you can get a sense of the Borderline's unresolved
rage within these entries.
I am a borderline. The way you talk about people with BPD is ridiculously
uneducated and offensive. You say I can't maintain a relationship;
why have I been in a STEADY relationship for 4 years then? I don't
feel remorse? I can't even kill a fly without feeling
bad. You call me a toddler in an adult's body. You're telling people
that we are good for nothing but hurting them~ even the way you
refer to us suffering with borderline personality disorder. The
tone in your writing is literally dripping hatred for borderlines.
Please think twice next time you want to make an article about borderlines
and think how hurtful it is. You write based on your opinion and
treat it as a fact. We are not as bad as you make us seem.
I've treated Borderlines (and their partners) who've been married
for 20 - 30 years, but a "steady" relationship doesn't
mean a harmonious or healthy one. I'm pretty sure you'll relate
more to my BPD Waif
piece, and learn more about my work with the people you assume
I "hate" here~
but over all, I think you should look to other web sources that
don't require you to look at yourself. I must now attend
to all this annoying violin music that's playing in the background.
You're a sad, ugly cunt. i would honestly rather have sex with
a dead, rotting pig than ever think about touching your old, decrepit,
overused, vagina. you are a cunt. the only way you will ever help
people even the slightest is by ridding yourself off this earth.
And where's your PhD? not ambitious enough to get yourself a real
education? or is your cunt brain not smart enough. you are an ant,
a worthless ant. Oh, by the way, my friend just attempted suicide
because of reading your shittily put together article on BPD. You
only hurt, not help. good job, bravo dumbshit.
I didn't reply to this guy's (poorly constructed) note, because
what's the point?? I've posted his unedited vitriolic diatribe to
this forum, as a stellar example of one rageful, BPD
male who's apparently got a lot of unfinished business
with his mommy (he's misogynistic). Notice the sexual references
right up front in his rageful attack on me (and how'd my vagina
get mixed up in this?!), and then he invalidates my
expertise. Sounds like both he and his "friend"
need serious help. Just another day in Paradise, my dears. ;~) LOL
I am a female with BPD and got knocked up by a guy who decided
to walk the fuck out. Getting married was his idea. Getting pregnant
was his idea. Leaving me alone with no one to help pay for this
kid? His idea. I am angered by your asinine
agenda, making men feel they've been victimized by being indiscriminate
in where they drop their loads. Oh, you agreed to not wear a condom?
Good for you! Can't find my husband. He's disappeared. Thanks for
loading the internet with crap designed to make me feel bad about
my disorder, and that I've done something wrong. Way to blame-shift.
A. Awwwwww, poor
You. Perhaps this life experience will help you begin to grow up,
and start thinking for yourself. In the meantime, think about how
you've treated that 'guy' you were with, and what might have made
him feel a need to "walk the fuck out," leaving
his partner and a child behind.
i read your article on male borderlines...having been involved with
a female borderline i was curious to see if i fit the bill for male
borderlines...your symptoms are so generalized that they fit
99 percent of the modern male living in this age of anomie...i decided
i was a borderline...as was abe lincoln, albert einstein, doctor
drew and thomas jefferson...your article is what is classically
wrong with all self help books...they are one paragraph extended
to 150 pages of repetition for the publisher...to quote tony montana
in scarface "say goodbye to the borderline". (Printed
as received. Full name given--but withheld here, for the sake of
Hmm, it appears my very "generalized" material has really
struck a nerve with you. The standard narcissistic denial/defense
is to try and globalize
issues; "oh well, everyone's like that" but they're
not. Maybe I'll let you know when the book comes out. ;~)
I've read several of your articles, and as an educated person
with BPD let me just say that your inaccuracy and tendency to generalize
sickens me. I would expect a woman who claims to be a professional
to be accurate in her information and not exploit the ignorance
of others. Or is it simply your ignorance? Before
you promote stigma, at least have some facts, honey. Oh, and after
a breakup I don't dissociate, bitch. I feel pain unlike any that
someone with your lack of empathy could ever feel.
Hmmm, "honey" and "bitch" penned by the same
girl. Why not do us both a service if my writings disturb
you dear, and take your 'educated' self some-place else.
Many thanks for the negative description. You burn me up! Do you
have anything good to say about a borderliner? Everything, but everything
on this site will make people think we are monsters and to keep
away from us. You are one of those people that creates the utterly
negative picture people have of Borderliners that makes everyone
want to RUN!!!!!!!!!
There is no such word as "Borderliner." If you object
to being identified as a dangerous, dysfunctional person, I strongly
suggest you seek professional assistance to help you Heal, and learn
how to stop inflicting your emotional
and psychic pain on others.
Dear Shari, you are not even a doctor of psychiatry and I am sure
that with your views on mental illness, The American Board of Psychiatry
and Neurology would never certify you. How dare you add to the stigma
already surrounding people diagnosed with BPD! You are not helping
their suffering. I read your articles and they prove that you are
ignorant and uneducated. You have no compassion and I am sure you
are out to take advantage of your clients just to make a buck. I
pity those who have come in contact with you looking for help. You
are a problem not a solution. You call yourself an educator but
from reading your website you don't seem to be educated in what
borderline disorder actually is, and how it effects the lives of
people who unfortunately have to live with it. Since borderline
personality disorder isn't a well known mental illness, your website
can do much damage because the population is not well-educated about
the disorder and can take what you are saying to heart. You should
be ashamed of yourself, take your website down and stop your practice
immediately. I'm sure I'm not the only person to write you about
how horrifying your teachings are. Please be a better person.
Ironically enough, about a third of my clients are (licensed) psychologists
and post doctoral candidates, and many have borderline traits. Psychiatrists,
other MD's and attorneys often refer their patients/clients to my
site (which you may have noticed--if you'd read my BPD forums and
Given that psychotherapeutic professionals value my work, your opinions
are of no consequence to me. Feel free to frequent other sites on
the Internet, that are more to your taste. BPD is not a "mental
illness," it's an emotional
disturbance that takes hold during infancy and early childhood.
Future emails from you will be deleted/unopened, but I (quite literally)
wish you Well.
I discovered your articles on the web and was completely absorbed
in your theories initially, however some of this is either deliberate
fabrication on your part or perhaps a well intended, but misinformed
attitude with regard to Borderlines. I'm about as self-aware and
introspective as an individual can be after years and years of therapy--and
know myself quite well. You mentioned guilt, and that "Borderlines
feel none". I suffered agonizing guilt for nearly a lifetime
and 4 attempted suicides (being nearly successful the last time),
due to self-loathing and horrendous guilt over EVERYTHING. (My husband
was fond of saying, "She feels she's responsible for everything--including
the war.") I will be 70 years old on July 4, and am for the
most part, stabilized. I wasn't just offended and shocked--I was
furious as I read. You have an obvious
hatred for Borderlines. Did you ever consider that people
are all wired differently--even us Borderlines? I have tremendous
love for others and am capable of empathy--often to the point of
placing their needs ahead of my own. The gals in my group of friends
know me as compassionate and full of fun, though often fragile.
(If I was so hard to tolerate I'd hardly have managed to keep these
friends who've known me since 1st grade.) You've pigeon-holed all
Borderline people as though we're THE SAME and I find it appalling.
I have little sense of self, and rarely any self-confidence whatsoever.
Your article saddened and disturbed me. You're spreading falsehoods
and creating distrust as if we are "monsters"
when in fact, you're WRONG. You have no compassion for
people who are knocking themselves out to be "normal."
Borderlines ARE HUMAN BEINGS with beating hearts and an irrational
fear of rejection. My life, for the most part, has been a living
hell and my family suffered along with me--but the difference is,
they can walk away and close the door. I'm "in here" and
stuck with my illness.
Hmmm, I'm seeing an awful lot of confirmation and contradiction
here. I'm pretty certain you're confusing "guilt" with
core shame. You can read more about THAT, here!
You are most certainly entitled to your feelings and opinions--and
if MINE ever change, I'll be writing about that, instead. Given
that you're a Borderline, I'd fully expect that my articles would
ruffle your feathers. It's tough looking into that mirror, I'm sure--and
yes, there are varying degrees of pathology among borderline disordered
people, and I've worked with more than my fair share of them. But
the question that begs to be asked here, is this: If
you've actually gotten WELL with all that therapy, why would this
material be upsetting you,
to the extent it apparently has? (This is a rhetorical question,
of course--I will not be reading/responding to future emails from
you.) I do want to congratulate you on making it to 70. I think
that in itself, is a victory. This
article may interest you, if you haven't yet bothered to read
beyond whatever piece you've alluded to, and it seems you have some
features. Other than that, you are welcome to visit other sites
on the Internet that take a more sympathetic view of this disorder,
and the carnage Borderlines leave in their wake. Mine are geared
toward helping folks survive these relationships, and gain
a 'sense of Self.'
Shari, I highly disagree with your notions that women who get
pregnant and keep a baby without
the father's consent, all have Borderline Personality
Disorder. I dated a guy for a year and he told me many lies, including
"I love you, lets have a baby, I want to have sex with you
without a condom." after I finally complied, I got pregnant--and
a few months later he left, and then got a lawyer to wage war against
me, because he decided to go back to his ex-gf and didn't want to
pay me child support. I have done nothing wrong except trust him.
There are many women who are similarly treated and manipulated this
way, and many men who shirk responsibility on a sexual whim. I presume
you must at least be aware of this fact. Your bold, black and white
insulting comments sound ignorant, judgemental and misogynistic.
By publicizing these types of comments, you are allowing and enabling
men to think its okay to get away with this behavior. You're not
relieving this syndrome, you are perpetuating it. The fact remains
pretty simple: Everyone is responsible for their own lives; if you
are a man and you don't want to have a child or pay support then
wear a condom and take precautions if you have sex. Knowing the
laws on this, men still disregard then raise a stink, because they
don't want to be responsible for their actions, and THAT is criminal.
The laws are there for the best interest of the child. No matter
what the circumstance, the child SHOULD have support from both parents.
You seem like a fairly intelligent lady. STOP BEING SO SHORT SIGHTED.
My article contains a disclaimer, which clearly
addresses your concern about "all women" and unwed pregnancy--but
you've apparently skipped that paragraph. You are absolutely
right; "everyone is responsible for their own
what do you think got in the way of setting
healthy boundaries for yourself, and saying; "no glove,
no love"--or at the very least, getting some reliable
birth control?? If
you had a daughter from this union, what advice would you give her
on the subject of contraception? If you have a son, how will you
feel about a female undermining him like this? Grow up,
I read your response, and again, I reiterate that you are enabling
and perpetuating this syndrome. You really expect me, or my hypothetical
daughter never to trust ANY man? You are an old lady--I suggest
YOU grow up. You are saying that women are the only ones who should
be held responsible for this situation, and for a woman to say that
is extremely disturbing and I have no doubt you have some serious
mental disturbances of your own. It's just a shame you choose to
publicize your twisted views. I just hope that people are realistic
enough to see how ludicrous your views are. By the way, I do not
consent to any of my emails being posted publicly, and I request
that you take down the first email.
What, and deprive my other visitors of this? Surely you
jest. (This girl's derisive emails haven't stopped
coming to my inbox. They're full of name calling, projections
and devaluations. These behaviors, plus cyber-stalking
are typical borderline traits. She's been advised that all future
emails will be deleted, unopened.)
I've read your article on Borderline
men, and I take great exception to your statement near the end,
where you state that if a guy gives a woman his phone number without
asking for hers, he's afraid of rejection, insecure or not interested.
I'm a male in my 60's now, and have done this virtually all my life
without consequence. I think it's wrong of you to generalize about
such things, and make these bold statements that aren't based in
You are welcome to your opinions about my material, and
yourself. Have you been married during the course of all these years?
I have no judgment on this either way--but if you haven't, the reasons
might be congruent with this paradigm. As a younger woman, I spent
significant time in the company of males. They were my closest friends,
and I learned a lot about how men think and behave. Based
on this personal research--and the likelihood that I've dated considerably
more men than you, I'm gonna defer to my take on this--but
feel free to prove me wrong.
Dear Shari, I've read your piece on helping men with their relationships
with women who have borderline personality disorder, and I'm disgusted
with the language and misogyny in this article! As a healing professional,
you should know better, than to vilify BPD people by frightening
emotionally immature and ill-equipped men into seeking your counsel
to assist with their own ineptitude in managing adult relationships.
Being borderline is no fun at all! No one in their
right mind would choose BPD as a lifestyle option! It's just utterly
ludicrous that one with BPD could bring such chaos into the life
of another human being, without their complicit consent to these
actions. If these men you're helping can't walk away from what you
call, "a destructive relationship," then I think it's
not the Borderline who has the bigger problem, but your very frightened
male clients. As you state in your article, fellows jump in to these
relationships because they are seduced by alluring, sexy, intelligent
women. My goodness--what an almighty cop-out you've provided these
emotional cripples, who seemingly need you to assist them in building
strategies to 'cope' with women in their lives who are supposedly
so 'controlling.' You've got to be kidding! The real
threat here is men's inability to think outside their shorts, and
value women's inherent qualities--rather than objectifying them
for their sexual, sensual allure. And since when did being an intelligent,
funny, articulate, sexy and alluring woman become # 1 on the male
misogyny hit list? Oh no Ms. Shari, I think you are very
mistaken in your views, and sincerely hope that others
will see your prejudice and bias, which is obvious. You write for
the literacy of teenagers, because many who are attracted to your
views are simply grown men who continue to avoid adulthood. Let
me be more explicit: These men you dearly champion, are adolescents
in adult bodies--that is all. You might instead use your talents
and abilities (open to debate) for assisting people with borderline
personality, rather than vilifying them. I'm bringing your site
to the attention of the NHMRC, stigma watch. Regards, BPD
Bring it on. I have in fact, worked with Borderlines and
helped them heal; these women were deeply committed to becoming
healthy and whole, rather than clinging to their victimhood.
My boyfriend just sent me your article on Borderlines, and I'm
shocked by your insensitivity and lack of professionalism!
This is a very serious disorder, and if you'd done any worthwhile
research on this topic (which you obviously haven't), you'd understand
how difficult it is to live with. Your article's garbage diagnosis
makes borderline women sound like monsters! Do you have any idea
how harmful and destructive this is to someone who actually suffers
with it? I think you're being incredibly irresponsible, when you
give men ammunition to shirk their responsibilities for an unwanted
pregnancy, by assuming that their partners are borderline disordered.
With so much information on the web about BPD, I'd think you would
educate yourself before publishing such trash!
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